my struggle.

i have something on my mind today, so i wanted to step away from my history and talk about a current struggle. my ongoing struggle.

i'm not sure when my love affair with food started, i think that i have always enjoyed food. from an early age, probably from my travels, i enjoyed a more grown up palette. i liked caviar. i like caviar. but somewhere along the way, i also really enjoyed doritos... and pasta... and chicken fingers... and taco bell. the list goes on and on, oh french fries. yum.

my love of food turned into an issue, probably in high school. but most definitely when i went to college. the dining halls were all you can eat. so my portions started to get out of control. i am now twenty pounds heavier then when i started college. i'm curvy. i always have been curvy, but now it's exaggerated. and on my 5'1" frame, i'm not looking how i would like.

but this isn't a post where i sit and complain. i want to talk about the issue behind my eating. and my goal to turn it around. food is fuel for our bodies. we should be putting in nutrients and protein that will fuel a healthier lifestyle. it's not about going on a diet, it's about training the mind. training it to recognize healthy food as good food. not dream about shoving doritos down my throat while i eat a salad. it's about recognizing that the salad will lead me down a healthier path. the path that hopefully leads to me losing a few pounds.

see, i have been going to the gym. about three to four times a week since january. and i haven't lost a single pound. that is a struggle. some days i can recognize that i might be toning up a little, but nothing significant.

a new change has to start now, integrating a lifestyle change. to be fit in the kitchen as well as in the gym. to make healthy choices when we go out on the weekends. to know the world won't end if i don't eat fries every weekend. it's about going to the gym three to four times a week and eating right. it's about having a cheat meal once a week, instead of nine meals during the weekend.

it's about a lifestyle change. and it's about my struggle with weight and body image turning around.