recently, i watched a video about learning to love yourself. but it was more than that. it was about learning to recognize self-hate and hate that is projected onto others.
for example: when you meet someone (and this doesn't happen very often) and you dislike them from the beginning. there is a trait that they hold which bugs the poop out of you. well, in the video, she goes into detail about how this is actually a trait you see in yourself that you are unhappy with.
wow. i have a tendency to do this on occasion, and it makes a lot of sense. your mind has a weird way of bringing out your self-hate. and it takes time to deal with. and it takes honestly. being honest with yourself, about the difficult stuff. learning to deal with the rough patches, acknowledge their significance, and move on. the moving on is what's important. realizing you have this problem, fix the problem, move on from the problem.
i can do the first two, but for some reason, actually moving past certain things can be difficult for me. my hope is that i can acknowledge this as an issue, and work on it. work on moving past some of my anger and resentments.
i have written about my past, sometimes i'm bitter about the way my mom dealt with things. some days i'm bitter about having a crap relationship with my step-mom. and some days, i literally can't look past it. it holds me down. it consumes me. if instead, i realized that these issues are in the past, that i have dealt with them... it is now time for me to leave them in the past.
because those feelings, those bitter and resentful feelings, they hurt. and they aren't affecting anyone, besides me. my mom and my step-mom don't dwell on these feelings, they don't hold this weight in their heart. and i don't need to either. i acknowledge that they had their time, they had their place in my life. and i need to pick myself up, and walk a little lighter leaving these burdens behind me.
bitterness oozes out of you, it makes you less attractive. i want to be the most beautiful version of myself. that comes from freeing myself of these resentments, it comes from the workouts, it comes from the healthier lifestyle (which is on pause as we move... and have no kitchen to use at the moment).
free yourself from the resentment of your past. acknowledge it's existence within your life. work through the last little bits that are holding on. and shed those extra layers that hold you down, that make you less than the most beautiful version of yourself.
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