our love is enough.

my sister is in a relationship. she lives with her boyfriend. and has for over a year now, maybe even close to two years.

she was pretty hurt when i called her to say tyler and i got engaged. i think she felt and sometimes feels that because i am five years younger, she should be getting married first. this is a pretty hard thing for me to deal with. she is my maid of honor and some times i feel that she isn't happy for me. those feelings are going away, and i think she has finally accepted that it is happening... in exactly six months from saturday.

but i am getting off track.

this is about jumping in. about having a guy live with you for two years, and not being engaged. because that's where my sister is at. she's ready for it one day and isn't the next. when i knew that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with tyler, i knew. there wasn't a moment of second guessing.

i stood on the proverbial bridge and jumped. because i knew our love was enough. enough to get through all of the good times and all of the bad. our love is my fairytale, and i have never second guessed it.

i wish that megan could jump, not calculate all the if's and but's about the future. but jump, because right now it's perfect. right now it is everything you've ever wanted. it's not about tomorrow and it's not about yesterday. it's about believing that your love is good enough, today. and that belief in love, in each other, in the marriage/relationship, is what gets your through tomorrow and the following day. it's what gets you through those shitty days where it doesn't feel like enough.

because you have right now. and that's it. you're not guaranteed tomorrow, so why are you focused on it? right now has to be enough.

and if we lost it all, our house, our jobs, our money... our love would still be there. it is our foundation.

i want that for my sister. and not for any other reason than i want her to feel what happens when you jump off the bridge and give yourself to someone so fully, to trust another person with your whole heart. it is the most amazing feeling.

Megan & I, Sister Love

learning to love you.

recently, i watched a video about learning to love yourself. but it was more than that. it was about learning to recognize self-hate and hate that is projected onto others.

for example: when you meet someone (and this doesn't happen very often) and you dislike them from the beginning. there is a trait that they hold which bugs the poop out of you. well, in the video, she goes into detail about how this is actually a trait you see in yourself that you are unhappy with.

wow. i have a tendency to do this on occasion, and it makes a lot of sense. your mind has a weird way of bringing out your self-hate. and it takes time to deal with. and it takes honestly. being honest with yourself, about the difficult stuff. learning to deal with the rough patches, acknowledge their significance, and move on. the moving on is what's important. realizing you have this problem, fix the problem, move on from the problem.

i can do the first two, but for some reason, actually moving past certain things can be difficult for me. my hope is that i can acknowledge this as an issue, and work on it. work on moving past some of my anger and resentments.

i have written about my past, sometimes i'm bitter about the way my mom dealt with things. some days i'm bitter about having a crap relationship with my step-mom. and some days, i literally can't look past it. it holds me down. it consumes me. if instead, i realized that these issues are in the past, that i have dealt with them... it is now time for me to leave them in the past.

because those feelings, those bitter and resentful feelings, they hurt. and they aren't affecting anyone, besides me. my mom and my step-mom don't dwell on these feelings, they don't hold this weight in their heart. and i don't need to either. i acknowledge that they had their time, they had their place in my life. and i need to pick myself up, and walk a little lighter leaving these burdens behind me.

bitterness oozes out of you, it makes you less attractive. i want to be the most beautiful version of myself. that comes from freeing myself of these resentments, it comes from the workouts, it comes from the healthier lifestyle (which is on pause as we move... and have no kitchen to use at the moment).

free yourself from the resentment of your past. acknowledge it's existence within your life. work through the last little bits that are holding on. and shed those extra layers that hold you down, that make you less than the most beautiful version of yourself.

linkup.

so, i have decided to do a linkup for today's post. yay for funny jake and holly!

1. I laughed so hard I cried when... playing "cards against humanity", with my parents, after a couple glasses of wine. you can only imagine the cards that got put together near the end!
2. My high school... was pretty caddy, but i literally had the best group of girlfriends. we weren't the cool kids, except in our heads ;) all that matters, amiright?
3. It really pisses me off... when bitches be causing drama. ain't nobody got time fo 'dat! 

4. In ten years... i see myself with a bunch of chubby babies running around.

I Mean... Come On, Give Me Ten PLEASEANDTHANKYOU

5. If I could erase one thing... it would be about ten pounds from my tummy/legs.
6. In 1999... i was i was counting down the end of the earth in mad style... in a cabin, with the fam-damily, dressed in a poodle skirt. keepin' it classy!
7. Honestly... i am looking forward to the freakin' weekend, athens ohio, here i come. can i get a halleluiah? and honestly, i had no idea how to spell halleluiah, that's a hard one.
8. To me, Sushi... is a gift from the heavens. 

GET IN MY BELLY!

 9. Someone really needs to invent... a transportation system that will get me to work in less time. commutes are no fun.
10. The first time I drank alcohol... was summer before freshman year of high school, i started early y'all!
11. The one question I would ask God is... whatchya doin up there?
12. Lindsay Lohan... is a good example for what not to do... take note.

enjoying the moments.

tyler and i were sitting on the couch last, watching some tv, unwinding. i kept thinking, why aren't we doing something? we aren't we doing more? last weekend we went to bed before eleven, twice. so i asked the man, what's going on, why aren't we being adventurous, enjoying every minute of our lives together?

that's just it.

we have the rest of our lives to be together, and at the same time, we don't. i truly expect to be with tyler for the rest of my life, in sickness and in health. however, there is never a promise of tomorrow. it is not a given. i think we can be reminded of that in times of tragedy, such as the Boston Marathon yesterday. the people that lost their lives. never thought that would be the last day.

so yes, we have the rest of our lives. but we also have only today. every day doesn't need to be a raging party, but it should be enjoyed. even if that just means a tickle fight before bed, or going out for ice cream.

Cheezin' Hard

tomorrow is not a given. today is truly a gift, so remember to smile and lift your chin up.

having kids.

i have wanted to have a family of my own since, well forever. minus the year i decided to be a rebel, claiming i wanted no part of having children. so for twenty two of my twenty three years, i have wanted a family. it stems from having such a large, close family. we thoroughly enjoy being around each other... crazy!

i have the man of my dreams. and i want to have children, in our future. however, my definition of future is the next few years. for my generation, i am not the minority. for my grandma, for my mom... they had already had children at my age. i have the itch. my peers, they don't understand. they are solely focused (mostly) on their careers. waiting until they get into their thirties to focus on a family. honestly, i am happy that they have those goals and ambitions. my goals and ambitions just happen to be a little different. to have a happy and healthy family, those are my goals.

people don't seem to think that is adequate. "enjoy your twenties", "have fun while you're still young", and "enjoy being a newlywed" are phrases i have heard more times than once. here is what i don't get, i celebrate your career! i am happy for your promotion! i am over-the-moon that you get to work in an awesome city! i am working, and happily so! i love my job. but it doesn't complete me, it doesn't fill the family void that i feel. and i want to wait, and enjoy time with just tyler, once we are a married couple.

Enjoying Each Other, Always - Athens, Ohio

but please don't judge our path simply because it might be different than yours. please don't tell me how to live my life, celebrate it... the same as i do for you. treat others as you want to be treated. it is the golden rule, after all.